we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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