my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
