I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
high people should be assigned attendants
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
