I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
