There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
