What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
