i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
