I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
