I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
