Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i now understand why vodka
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
