FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
