Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
