i think my tv is drunk
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
