My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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