Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
