Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
