Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
