i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
