Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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