Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
