does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
