It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
