You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
