For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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