Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I will be naked everywhere
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
