i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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