I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
