My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
