I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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