who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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