they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
