Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Mom said you looked used
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
