OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
