Jerry, you need to find god
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
