I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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