just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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