He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
