Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
