I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
