Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
