He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
