he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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