I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
