So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
