It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently you make a good broom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
