tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
