Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
