Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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