he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
