I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
