I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
