He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
