were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
