I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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