how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
