Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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